Supreme Court Nominee: "I belong in the kitchen."

"I want so show you everything that's on my mind!"

Supreme court nominee Amy "Lay me" Barrett was unable to answer questions on the following subjects:

• Can President Orangutang pardon itself?
• Should abortion stay legal?
• Should Obamacare be repealed?
• Can President Orangutang delay its rejection?

She did, however, attempt to answer this question:

      Does the sun rise in the east?

Miss Barrett reiterated several times it's "really not her place" to have opinions and was particularly perplexed by the concept of a global climate. "I'm certainly not a scientist. I mean, I've read things about climate change. I would not say I have firm views on it."

When reminded by questioners that she's currently a judge and is being rubber-stamped onto the highest court in the land where she'll have to make crucial decisions for years to come, Miss Barrett demurred. "I'm a valley judge, like, totally! All these questions, just like gag me with a spoon."

Republican men, while wearing their wives' panties, were particularly sharp in getting assurances she would acquiesce to her "male betters" on the court and always side with their rulings. "Oh, that's no problem, master, sir. Us bitches belong in the kitchen! But don't be thinking I'm some pushover. I'm a strong believer in equal rights and if one of you menfolk start sassing about how much salt I be putting in my muffins you'll get an earful from me!"

Her Republican questioner adjusted his bra and giggled. "You certainly are a strong woman and I for one can't wait for you to start ruling my life."

An actual strong woman was dubious of Miss Barrett's qualifications. "I have say I've never witnessed such an obsequious display by a sitting judge in all my life. We're putting a Stepford judge on the Supreme Court in the most shameless act of desperate souls bent on harboring ill will and betrayal. I can only say, Miss Barrett, that you have the cause of women's rights back a thousand years!"

"My qualifications are obvious!"

Seeing a woman with self-respect greatly upset the nominee. "All I got to say is a woman not supporting another woman is the lowest form of life and and a total sexist! Talk about betraying your sex! Us women are here to serve our menfolk and I got no problem with that. You are obviously just a jealous shrew as the only people who criticize me are losers. 'Get thee to a cookery' is all I got to say to you!"

After her confirmation later in the day, Miss Barrett invited the male Senators who supported to her to "spread bukkake on my face like a two dollar whore." Each male duly followed suit as her female supporters watched and applauded with all exclaiming their excitement at "having someone like this" making the most important judicial decisions in the land.