I'm A Ninja With My Glock!

Living his best fantasy life, Florida Man was locked and loaded, ready to take on "Thieves, robbers, Democraps, commies, and any other sorts of criminals and libruls wantin' to take what's me and mine - 'specially my Glock!" Whenever he read of a break-in happening his response was always the same: "If only they'd had them a gun!"

Florida Man went on to clarify: "Guns is only good as the man behind it. So it OK for us Good Guys to be owning and carrying them wherever we go because that just makes things better! World is full of bad people and iffen you ain't armed you just askin' for trouble! That not gonna happen to me, no not never! Trust me when I tell ya: ain't a problem out there can't be solved with 9 millie between the eyes, yessir!"

The thrilling climax to Florida Man's fantasy life occurred just after midnight Wednesday when an unlucky intruder dare enter his well-guarded castle. "I'll get that son-of-bitch! I'll be a hero in my right-wing media bubble world and Facebook! So I'm gonna do this right. No pussy flesh wounds, no siree, one right through the head for this motherfucker! The deader the better, I always say. Been waiting my whole life for this! Yippee ki yay!"

A Florida husband said he fatally shot his pregnant wife after waking up in the middle of the night and thinking she was an intruder, according to authorities who believe it was nothing more than a tragic mistake.

Officers were called to the home in Stuart, about 40 miles northwest of Palm Beach, around 1:30 a.m. on Wednesday, according to a Martin County Sheriff's Office incident report obtained by NBC News.

When officers arrived, the man was standing outside the home with the couple's other child yelling for help. He told police that he had shot his wife by accident and his "life is over," the report states.